Cracks are beginning to show today.

I enjoyed a lovely time visiting clients this morning and had a golden time with my doula mentor this afternoon. All sunny, breezy, and warm.
Then somewhere between picking kids up and the present, I’m no longer feeling warm rays of sunshine (and it’s not even my kid’s fault!!)
I’ve been snappy, sensitive, snarly, and tearful.
After bedtime, I thought I’d curl up and do the actual homework for this week, to see if it would calm me down, comfort me, and make me feel better.
Aside from the first few laughs…Jen Hatmaker told me to go count all the items of food in my house. Ugh. I didn’t want to do anything physical, I just wanted to slouch. I lugged myself up, and started to count tins of beans. Meanwhile my husband randomly started looking for a pen drive of ours that always goes missing. Whenever this happens, I always have this sinking guilty feeling that it’s my fault it’s missing. So while I was counting food, my head was in a mither, because Jon was now up and about on a search mission. (In the end I found his pen drive for him)
Counting my tins and food usually only serves as a reminder of how completely encrusted my cupbords get within days of me cleaning them. I thought I had JUST done this, I’m thinking, as I try and wipe away bits of lentils and pasta and gooey honey from the shelves. Ugh.
It turns out I have roughly 150 items of food in the house. That’s a lot. I recon we could survive a good two weeks on what we have in. It may be very boring food, but we could certainly do it. I’m not sure it’s a practical solution, but I’m going to make an effort to start making a dent in this. But back to my night. I just wanted to go back in curl up on the couch and enjoy the home work.
The Homework was good, however it did not serve as a balm for my poor deprived soul (as if), it was more challenging, convicting, confusing, and hard core.

No warm fuzzies tonight…I miss hot chocolate, and I just want to go sleep.