Day 2 of Advent.
Iona has enjoyed her Jaquline Lawson Advent Calendar so far, a present from Granny. It’s a sort of interactive Downton Abbey (Pre WW1) does Christmas with a bit of an upstairs downstairs theme.
Mondays are actually great days for me because I love my Monday Morning Bible Study group. I love doing the studies, but I also take huge delight in seeing other people enjoying them too. I have to admit though, it’s a group that touches on my insecurities and vulnerabilities still. I cringe every time I hear my phone go off on a Monday morning…usually someone texting me to tell me they won’t be there. In my head I can totally get that people have legitimate reasons for not being there…but there is this little voice inside me that says “they are rejecting you….you are not good enough for them” even though I do my best to make the group not about me by including as many people who are willing in it’s leadership and deflecting as much of the actual teaching as I can….paving the way for others to take it over should anything happen to me. Yet despite all this….there is something raw that get’s prodded every Monday morning. There have been times I’ve set out the tables and chairs in total despair wondering why I bother…but always…by the end of it….I’m lifted somehow..and it’s nothing to do with how many people turn up. I wish I had a more creative way of just stating the obvious…God’s word is powerful, and it lifts me out of my self, and puts my mind straight and adjusts my wonky self centred perspective.
Ann Voskamp writes today about creation….about the hugeness of God….and His love. She challenges us to show love today by making something for someone, and identifying people who are hard to love.
So tonight I made the cupcakes for Iona’s 7th Birthday party on Sunday. I’ll put them in the freezer and frost them at the weekend.
Who’s hard to love? Just today I feel slightly tested in this area. It’s easy to say we love people, but it’s a lot harder to show it, especially when we don’t feel it. Christmas is about Love….and love that was undeserved, not based on anything we did. This is hard for me to swallow.
It’s a pleasure to make cup cakes for my precious gorgeous daughter’s party….but do I feel like being kind to someone who’s deceived me and lied to me? Ugh.
More Love needed already…and it’s only day 2!!
Advent is here. I’m already feeling tired, and drained. I remember growing up only hearing the word “advent” in relation to our advent calendar. I had the old kind with the little pictures, and I used to love it.
And so it begins. We’ve been looking at the Advent Conspiracy in life group, which is good food for thought. The themes of Worship Fully, Spend Less, Give More, Love All all seem to be resonating with people. Interestingly one of the charities being promoted through the Advent Conspiracy is one that brings clean water to impoverished underdeveloped villages around the world. So it felt very fitting that many of us woke up today to no water! There was a damaged water pipe on our estate so that of course made leaving the house interesting.
I’ve also decided to do read Ann Voskamp’s “The Greatest Gift” which takes a look at the genealogy of Christ. Today she talked about the Root Of Jesse…Jesus as the tender shoot that sprung up out of a stump of a tree long chopped down. In what way do I feel like a chopped down tree? Well, I suppose I and been looking forward to a birth this Christmas, due the 25th of December actually, and I am no longer. It’s for reasons entirely out of my hands and I am thankful for this baby’s safe arrival and health of the mother, but from the standpoint of my role, of my job, of this “calling” to be a doula, I feel slightly winded. I don’t know what God has in store in the new year for me and this job. Right now it does feel very tender, very vulnerable, and that it could go either way.
It’s the 1st of December, and I’m already tired. Ann talks about Jesus as being this gift to us….this is one gift I truly do need.
For me: The Greatest Gift by Ann Voskamp
For one of my darling Nieces: Pj’s from Tiny Ted and Farmyard Friends, a local shop run by a lovely friend of mine, selling quality ethical, fair trade, organic, British, etc children’s clothing.