It’s still winter. I feel it in my heart, I feel it in my bones. I know I’m meant to be from Wisconsin, but somehow the British winter seems to affect me more than anything I grew up with. I feel frozen on the inside.
I’ve gone through seasons of vigilant exercise each morning, springing out of bed and switching on the DVD player. This has not been one of those seasons. I am pushing it till the last minute, with my only real saviour being the ultimate deadline of the school run.
Every morning, I am struggling to wake up. I am dreading that moment of coming out from beneath the warmth of my duvet. The day stretches before me and all I feel is a sense of dread. It feels like some sort of exam that I haven’t revised for, and where at the end of it I’ll be graded, and each grade will accumulate over time, resulting in some final verdict over my life.
It’s not the truth of course. I know that in my head. I know these things. That I’m loved, that I’m valued, that my worth is not the sum total of what I’ve managed to “do”, that the Holy Spirit empowers me, and that the Father isn’t just leaning over a cloud marking my report card. I know. But it’s cold.
I think I just very often forget Him.
I forget Jesus.
I forget that when I say His name, over and over again, that it feels a little bit like falling in love.
I forget that He shines like A million Suns ablaze, brightening every day, not because he gives me warm fuzzy feelings, but because he is beautiful.
His light gently nudges me out of hiding. His warmth melts my heart that often freezes over from hurt, disappointment, and offense.
He is, my Lighthouse that leads my racing mind home, to the truth. He is the beauty, that everything we see on earth only hints to. He is who He is. He doesn’t need reminding. We do. And he knows this.
So for those of us who need some light to shine into our dark minds, who feel the cold in our icy hearts, and who often can’t manage more than just….saying His name. I’m with you.
Come on my soul…..Awake, Spring is coming.