I want to start writing about a subject that I’m sure everyone has a completely individual opinion on. The truth is, I’m still trying to figure out my opinion, and in my mind I have this huge long piece of work written which perfectly articulates all my current thoughts and feelings on the subject, but unfortunately, if I waited for that perfect image to become a reality, I would never write it down. So I’m going to just start rambling a bit I’m afraid…

So how do we do this raising kids thing? Or in other words…how exactly do I get through the day without having a meltdown (me)  at a 3 year old??? Where do I take a stand? Which battles do I fight?

As much as I have really felt comfortable with the attachment parenting model of raising a baby, there are times when I find its expectations  exhausting.

It feels like we are expected to endure nights on end of interrupted sleep, make time during the day to nap with our children, and not really mind about our houses being in a state of chaos. Then on top of feeling tired most of the time we are expected to deal with our children’s behaviour in a gentle peacefull way. It’s the kind of thing can sometimes make sense on paper but in reality…it doesn’t seem to work out. I know that when I have had a night of interrupted sleep, even if the children have been in bed with me, I am exhausted, and I am a shouty cranky mother who is not interested in playing or drawing or reading stories and will flip out over the littlest thing.

I would love to be more gentle, less shouty, more in control of my anger, more reasoned and balanced and wholistic in my parenting…but it’s tough. Some days I am convinced I am on the right path…other days I have this fear that I’m really going to do my kids a disservice…and let them down really.

I suppose this is a bit disjointed. I know that any discpline strategy is only as good as your relationship with your child…and I do believe the best way to forge that relationship starts when they are babies…and being that primary need meeting attachment figure in their lives

So that is why I have done things the way I have. Because I figure I am going to make a lot of mistakes as they grow, and I’m not going to get it right a lot of the time…but..if that relationship is there….and nurtured from the start…that will hopefully see me through the ups and downs of my parenting methods….but in the mean time…..how do we do this thing???

When you read some parenting forums they seem to shun any sort of method of getting your kids to behave as evil, controling, and  manipulative..damaging your children’s sense of worth, self esteem, and personality.

Then there are those who feel that if you do not start implimenting smacking by the age of 18 months that your children will have no sense of self control, will never respect you, and will turn into delinquent terrors.

One thing I know is important whatever you do is consistancy…but it’s hard to be consistant when you’re unsure what you want to be consistant about.

I know one thing that plays into this whole thing is my faith. I do believe it is right to teach our children in the “way they should go”.  I also do not believe that “man is basically good”  I believe that we are all born with the tendancies to behave negatively if not guided or modeled to in another way. this is where I know I probably part ways with my peers in the AP camp, so that leaves me out in limbo a bit, because I am then left with tradtional  ”christian parenting” options which traditionally are highly punative in nature.

I suppose it makes sense if you believe that kids in themselves are perfect beings until society screws them up…then you may be happier to let them find their own way with as little intervention as possible. But if you think they are not born basically good, then you would spend most of your waking moments in a highly intentional state of mind,  directing and teaching them in the right way they should go.

One point of view seems far to lax, the other far too controlling…..depending on which perspective you take.

I want children who are respectful…but also have genuine respect for themselves and others, who are loving, but who do truly love others, and feel loved. I don’t just want kids who know how to behave on the outside, but children who behave well from the inside out..but also have the self control to behave well when called upon. Am I asking too much? Is it impossible?
I want them to have manners, say please and thankyou, greet people, look adults in the eye, etc. I don’t want it to be forced upon them, but i don’t want them to just do it when they feel like it either!

I want the best of both worlds I think.

Children who feel loved, secure, and who know how to behave….not that they always will of course