Having good friends around me has been a huge need and priority for me my whole life. It has not always been straightforward. I’m a shy person. I’ve had to be the new person on the block more times than I can count and although it’s contributed to some of my strengths in relationships, it has also made me at times more vulnerable and unsure as ever.

Lately I’ve been remembering an incident that happened back in South Africa. After we’d been there about six weeks, Jon left for a weekend away with some of the men from church. They were all going to some huge massive conference somewhere. I was on my own. We had recently settled into the house we were renting for the year and Iona had just started to settle down and get used to things. I remember getting a phone call from someone from the church inviting me to come over and have have supper at her house. She explained that several of the wives of the men who’d gone on this conference were getting together and it’d be good fun to hang out. In my heart I wanted to say “yes, of course i’ll be there” I was craving community. But in my head I simply could not face messing Iona’s routine up and risk her not sleeping for me. Of course they said I could just bring her and bed her down at theirs….but I doubted this would work. So I declined the invite and spent the majority of the weekend on my own.

Looking back..I wonder what I may have gained if I’d have gone that night. Sure it may have been a little chaotic with Iona…but would it have been the beginning of some special friendships? Of course there were other times I got together with the person who invited me that evening….and others who were there….but I sometimes wonder if my reluctance to go that night almost set me up as someone who was awkward, or difficult…locked in a routine…unbending. The reality was, I was just a mother who had endured enough nights of broken sleep to make the prospect of a rough night feel more like a run up to a prison sentence. I remember how I felt then…so scared of messing things up…so scared of cascading down a path of chaos….it was better to remain isolated and feel in control…then to reach out, connect with people, but possibly pay for it on the sleep side for a night or two.

I think as mothers we can often fall into the trap of feeling like unless we’ve got all our ducks in a row…we can’t have anyone over or go anywhere. We feel most happy socializing when we are on top of things than when we feel things are on top of us. Can we ever really regret time spent with friends or building relationships? I’m not talking about the person who never gets anything done because they are out all the time socializing…I’m just wondering how many times we choose tasks over people. It’s not an easy balance. Somewhere the shopping needs doing, and the dinner needs making and the laundry and tidying need doing…our kids do need some sense of routine and can’t live in chaos and God knows we need time to ourselves…..but..I sometimes wonder if we get the balance wrong. Do we hide behind our tasks? Are we missing out? Is there more we could do together??

One afternoon last week a friend came over. It was a pre-arranged visit. We get together the same time every week. When it was time for her to go, (she had to pick up her son from school) she found she was running late so she very apologetically asked if she could just leave her younger son with me while she quickly fetched her older son from school. Of course! no problem! When she came back I invited her in. Her son and my daughter used to play together so they were happy to see each other. My friend apologized for staying…and I said it was no problem! It wasn’t. I simply got on with preparing tea and made her another cup of tea. She kept remarking how nice it felt to simply “be” there…and I felt it was nice to have her there. I did not feel guilty not giving her my full attention, and she certainly wasn’t demanding it. It was just nice to have the company. We don’t often work around each other….we wait till our jobs are done, then we socialize. But why not get on with some level of housework while hanging out?

I heard of two young mothers with children who went through a season where they would hang out together every day at each others houses. One day they’d clean one house and the next day they’d clean the other. They’d make dinner together and one would take her portion home with her than evening!! How fun would that be?? Some of us probably hear that and shudder….and could not cope with someone in our personal space like that….totally get that..and I think it’s very much a product of our culture. It’s the age of the nuclear family….we don’t really live in community anymore…and it seems to be all about how we all manage to cope and get on with things and “do it ourselves!!”

I accept that that’s how it is..I’m not out to start a commune or anything…I just wonder if we’re missing out on something and if we can find ways to bring our relationships into the every day. If we can be there for each other and be vulnerable enough to show our faces when things aren’t going that well…If we can get to a point when we don’t feel guilty turning up at someone’s house just because we need a break from our own…and when we don’t freak out if someone turns up at ours and our kitchen is in chaos. I wonder if we can start to trust less in our routines…and more in the value of relationships.

I suppose I have to start by asking myself…”am I the kind of person someone would want to be around in that way??” “Do I make people feel comfortable in my home or do they worry about messing things up or staying too long??” “Do I avoid going places in the afternoons because I’m afraid my kids will fall asleep in the car??” “do I have the courage to admit I’m feeling rubbish and that I just need someone to look after me this morning while I recover from the worst night in history” There is no use going on about it if I can’t actually come up with the goods myself.

Just some thoughts and questions…..in my continuous pursuit of relationships and community.

Growing up, the smell of brewing coffee was a familiar smell. My father loves coffee….it was the smell of the morning.  I also love coffee shops…you know, the evil chain ones!! Where no matter where you are in the world, you step in, and are immediately engulfed by a warmth and a familiar smell that makes you feel right at home. My Aunt and Uncle love coffee too, and  I have many distinctive memories of the smell of lovely coffee being poured into nice cups after a meal….always accompanied by some lovely desert.

Coffee makers are regular features in most American homes. They are as standard as having an electric kettle (which most American homes still don’t have) When I moved to Ireland I quickly got used to the ritual of boiling the kettle and then choosing between tea or freeze dried coffee. It wasn’t so bad. The instant coffee wasn’t as bad as the fine powdery stuff one associates it with back in the states. So I didn’t think too much about it. Until one evening, we were having a small group meeting from church, and my friend Marie was hosting it. At that time I didn’t know her well. She was a fellow American living in Limerick and working with the church. But when I stepped into her home that evening, it hit me. The smell of freshly brewed coffee. She has obviously invested in a coffee maker as a necessity, and as she was hosting a meeting in her home, she had done the traditional American thing of brewing a pot of coffee before everyone arrived. I was reminded of just how much nicer properly brewed coffee is. It was such a comforting feeling….being all cozied up in her living room, cup of coffee in hand. I felt at home. It’s the smell more than anything..the atmosphere.

So Jon and I are starting a new Life Group (small group/house group/house church/cell group) out of New Life Church. Our friends Dan and Jayne are joining us and together we really looking forward to it. Today was our kick off party. We invited several families over for a bring and share Sunday lunch and it was great fun. Kids were running around everywhere and conversations were buzzing. Jon made a massive pot of chilli, and we had to borrow plates from the church because we did not have enough ourselves. It was a really great feeling being able to open our home and have so many people over. Eventually we’re hoping to reach out into the estate we’re living on…and join in with whatever God has planned for this place.  For now though, we’re just focusing on establishing our group, forming genuine friendships, and gaining  a real  sense of community.

We want there to be a richness about our group. Not a material richness…but a sense that God has something to give us and wants to really meet us and be real in our lives.  Sometimes Christians have a bad reputation for doing things on the cheap. Custard creams and instant coffee after the meeting…that sort of thing. Although you could argue that’s being sensible and all that…we are wanting our group to reflect the blessing and richness of God in a way that helps people to realize they are loved, valued, and deserving of God’s goodness in their lives. So we’ve really pushed the boat out…and bought….a coffee maker. Actually it wasn’t that expensive….a small thing really…but I’m really looking forward to putting a pot on to brew this coming Tuesday….and everything else that’s going to happen with this group in the coming months!

I am one of these people who likes to process. It must be a throwback to my mission trip days where we were constantly being asked poignant questions and being made to process our experiences so we could later articulate them.

So as Jon and I sat down for a new year’s eve Indian take away, I immediately started firing questions at him “highlights of the year???” “goals for the near year??”  etc.

So the things I’m looking forward to in 2011

Worship Leading…..I’m now officially co-leading a band for Sunday morning worship and we’ll be on every three months from here on out.  I’m a bit nervous, but also I know it’s time. It’s been something God challenged me about when I was in South Africa and I’ve been slowly making my way into it ever since. My time at Bible College all but shattered my confidence in any sort of musical ability I had…as it was totally left up to cream of the crop to do music and it was basically the philosophy that if you were not amazing, you were not worthy. I worked really hard and did my time just singing in choir for many years, never doing much more than that…but slowly I’ve managed to work my way to where I am now,  leading a band and I’m really loving it. My guitar playing needs work but I know it’ll only get better if I’m forced to get up there and do it, so I’m great-full for the challenge and opportunity.

Elaine’s Wedding!!! While I lived in Ireland, I had some great friends. My two best friends were Louise and Elaine. Elaine and I shared a flat during my second year in Ireland. It was a basement flat in down-town Limerick, and if I were look back and say there was any time in my life where I was just enjoying being single, social, and with not a lot of responsibility, it would have been that year. It was incredibly tough on one hand, being poor, not having a lot of purpose, and in a very strange volunteering arrangement, but on the flip side, I had some amazing God given friends that I made so many memories with, it’s hard to believe it was only a year I spent with them….it feels more like four or five years when I remember it, because the time was so rich. They both came for my wedding and were wonderful bridesmaids for me, kept me sane and put up with my meltdowns….and due to being in South Africa I had to miss Louise’s wedding which I found devastating…so now Elaine is engaged and I am so incredibly happy for her and pleased and I better be invited to the wedding! he he (not that it’s all about me or anything…ha ha)

Louise becoming a mother! Yes, my dearest Louise from Ireland is pregnant and her baby is due this year. I can’t wait!!! As my sister had her babies when I was a teenager and a little bit clueless, Louise having her baby feels like the closest thing to having a sister having a baby and I can not wait! Very excited.

Nicole and family coming to visit When you live overseas, it is very rare anyone comes to visit you…except your mom. Not that that doesn’t count…and I should be thankful for that…and I am…but yes, aside from the loyal mother…people generally expect you to come do all the visiting because in their minds, YOU are the one who LEFT, therefore YOU need to come visit them….. So I’m very happy that my dear friend Nicole from high school is planning a trip to see us with her family. It’s going to a mad squashed time with her husband, two children and my family all in the same house…but it’s people coming to visit and overseas guests are highly valued!! Now, I won’t actually really get excited until their tickets are booked but i’m putting it on the list in good faith.

Iona starting School. It’s a long way off yet, but it’s going to happen in 2011!! My little Iona is going to be going to “big school” I’m excited for her. I was home schooled when I was her age, so there is a little bit of me that is going to be vicariously experiencing this through her! It’s also so different here! There is uniform shopping to be done and labels to be sewn in and all that which is totally unfamiliar territory for me. Aside from that, it’s a big deal. It’s the beginning of a big adventure for her….and even though I’m surrendering her to the school system, I still plan on being very involved in the process and I’m looking forward to learning alongside her and all that school has to offer.

Completing my La Leche League application. I’ve been working on it forever now! I am nearing the end and hope to complete it soon. Then hopefully soon after that start a monthly support group here in Congleton for breastfeeding mothers. I plan to keep it low key and relaxed and simply want to be a place for mothers to find information that will help them.  Definitely am loath to give advice…..don’t want to be “health visitor clinic part II” Just want to be a haven for mothers who find they feel at home with the values of La Leche League, and a place of useful information for those still finding their way.

So that’s about it..for the big things. There is of course the ever present ongoing adventure of daily life, mothering, friendship, ministry, all that stuff that I do enjoy and look forward to growing in as well. I do hope to do more writing as well on this blog..but that will largely be up to computer availability…..

It’s a cold frosty autumn morning, and the house still smells faintly of toast….you know that sort of dark morning, lights on the kitchen….warm toast smells….yeah that.

It’s been awhile since I’ve been on here due to moving house, having no internet connection, and then discovering that our laptop is well and truly dead. I am banned from the computer during the evenings as my husband is now officially addiction to World of Warcraft, so I’ve been filling my evenings with attempting to catch up on my reading and of course a healthy dose of mindless telly.

But it’s one of those mornings when Judah is easily fascinated with crawling around the house and rolling around on his back so I’m stealing a few moments on here just to say hello and let everyone know that we are settling into our new home beautifully. It is turning out to be even more of a blessing than I imagined. I love the kitchen, I love the space, I love our new carpets, I love the new rug for the conservatory, I love the family room vibe, the words and music coffee shop table, and the feeling of it all being like one big room where we can be in separate areas but still connected. I love the view of the cloud from our bedrooms, and I love having a separate fridge for just drinks! Most of all, I love the fact that this is it…it’s our home…we’re arrived. Sure life is still life, and it’s not the salvation to all our problems and challenges, but for the first time in a long time, I’m looking forward to the weekends….of just being home together as a family…the physical house is not the only reason for this…but it makes it that much sweeter.

It’s all happened very fast. Too fast? Perhaps. Two months ago I was still in the states. Dreading the inevitalbe chaos that were were going to decend into upon arriving back in the UK, I had hopes of moving back to Congleton, but had not even dared to hope we’d be taking any sort of step to settle here permenently. I only dared to hope that perhaps we may find somewhere else to rent…but after being back only two weeks, we suddenly found ourselves looking at houses…to buy…..yes, to buy. There was no long huge discussion that lead to this decision..it just sort of…happened. I say “just happened” but bearing in mind the endless prayers I’d uttered in desperation over this last year….prayers not so much relating to a physical place I needed to be…but more…a rescuing from the place I had ended up. Sounds morbid…well, it was..but I’m not going to dwell on the details…but it’s been a dark time.

So of course nothing is ever straightforward. Knowing how long it can take to buy a house…we decided to bite the bullet and go for it. Amidst assurances that with no chain on either end of the process, things should work out in time. We encountered the inevitable “it’s not happening” crisis in the midst of it (that everyone seems to have) that stalled the process for two weeks before it was resolved, and because of our landlords insistance on taking either another six month lease or none at all,  meant that we have had to throw things into storage, and beg friends God bless the Franklins  to take us in for two weeks while things get sorted out.

So last weekend we packed up the house in Sandbach. I felt suprisingly numb. It’s almost as though I have developed some sort of attachment disorder with places. Having packed up my belongings 10 times in the last 10 years….I found this 11th time, a little underwhelming. It’s like something in me was saying “come on, get a bit sentimintal about the place…your son was born in the front room and spend most of his first year of life here afterall” But I didn’t. It’s like I couldn’t. I’ve missed so many places in my life. I remember when I first got to England, whenever I was feeling down, I would visualize the basement flat I shared with my friend in Limerick. Even in that lovely little bungalo in South Africa I would feel myself missing our grotty flat on Waggs road, then after returning to England, I remember putting Iona to bed in our in law’s house and shedding tears as I visualized the street we lived on in South Africa. But even though I will always treasure the memory of giving birth to my son in the front room of that house…I can not imagine I will ever find myself longing to be back there.

It’s like everything in me is telling me I should be a bit sad, but I’m not at all. I just feel relieved. Even though we have not landed yet….and have not even begun to face the cumbersome months of settling in to a new place, for the first time in a long time…I feel as though next week, (God save us from any more delays) when we move in to our home…I will fall into a heap of shear relief…and peace.

Part of me is really scared to believe this could actually be happening. It’s like a foster child about to be adopted by a loving family but is still full of fear that they will be uprooted again.

So I’m Out

I’m feel nothing but…freedom..tinged with stress….as I have not yet safely landed.

So keep us in your prayers. The little niggles and stresses of these last week have finally caught up with me and I’m now battling a nasty cold. I hate colds…and for some reason English colds seem to feel worse. My head is spinning with many more thoughts about this move, the house, and all the implications it will have for me and my family…so much more rambling to come.

*I realize this post has several different audiences. To those of you actually from Congleton that are wondering what in the world I’m going on about…I apologize…to those of you who have been following my journey over the last 10 years…you may understand a bit more!

I love being with him.

I put him down to bed….I rush off…late, as there is never an exact time I know I will have him down by. I am out, I see people, I chat, I enjoy nice food….I do the social thing…it’s….fine really. Yet I find as I’m driving home, there is a sadness in me, a melancholy. I am so looking forward to being home…to seeing him in the night. It sounds crazy…but I am. I walk in the door, and my husband tells me that he must have heard the car door shut, because he’s only just started to cry. Secretly I’m relieved. I run upstairs and take him into my room…he immediately calms down upon being picked up and nuzzles himself in to me. I pull him close and he starts to feed from me…and I have this sense of relief. Total peace. It’s bliss almost. I never thought I’d feel this way…but I do. It’s not because anyone has told me I need to feel it…I just do. I savour him there in that moment…so tiny. I stroke his arm, knowing one day it will be so big and strong…but for now, he’s my little baby boy in my arms, and I’m the centre of his world. What a privilege.

Life does not afford me these moments often. Usually when he wakes in the night, I either fall asleep feeding him or I lay awake after he’s gone back to sleep desperate to sleep myself. There are those times I struggle just to cook the dinner, tidy the kitchen, get ready to go out….times when it isn’t the most lovely blissful thing to have a little creature totally dependent on you. When it’s hard work….when it’s stressful…when they decide they need to feed while you’re having your teeth cleaned and you just know the dental hygienist thinks you’re nuts.

So when I do actually have these moments where I’m sitting there holding him, feeling like I can’t get enough of him..I’m so thankful….

Having children has been the one thing in life I’ve experienced that has made me stop dead in my tracks…and seriously not wish for the time to pass. Even though I long for a full night’s sleep sometimes, or a day to finally properly clean my house, or work on my writing or practice my music…..those things I feel I need to do…there is nothing that compares to holding a baby in a quiet dark room at night…while he is half asleep, feeding and comforting himself in your arms.

I love my little boy xxxx

It’s my last night in the states….it’s hot, humid, and loud. Fireworks are going off…and really, all I want to do is get the kids to bed and spend one last evening with my parents, watch episodes of 24. and get a good night sleep.

It’s been such a long trip. So long in fact that it feels strange to be leaving. Although I’m not really living in any kind of reality at the moment. In some ways I’m a kid again. I’m back home having meals cooked for me, being taken out to eat, and not having to really worry too much about anything. There are extra hands to help with the kids, and I’m not doing any laundry.

I’ve eaten way too much food and when I come back, I’m sure people are going to think I’m pregnant…but alas, it’s just a “food baby”…or “food triplets’ more like it. I think we have eaten out nearly every night this last week. I’ve discovered Mike’s Hard Lemonade…which I’m sure is responsible for a lot of extra calories…as well as rediscovering things like salt water taffy, chai tea frappucinos, ranch dip, taco dip, beer cheese dip, and various other high fat/high sugar treats. I’ve also had lots of home cooked meals between my mom, my sister, and the incredibly talented Leah Westbrook. So detox…here we come.

It was great seeing old friends. Some that I have not seen in a serious amount of years. It showed me that it really is worth it to keep in touch…people really are the most important thing, and time spent with an old friend is never time wasted.

I discovered I really liked Fish Tacos, and was determined to eat them everywhere I went.

I have decided that british people act a bit less annoying at musical festivals than americans.

I really do miss american customer service at times and the child friendliness of restaurants.

I will so miss my frequent visits to the chiropractor…..I want to bring him back with me!

Highlights of the trips were….

Seeing Iona surrounded by all her cousins at Jake’s graduation…all of them waiting for her to start talking.

Sitting at the outdoor fountains at Bayshore Mall with Nicole, catching the sun, watching Iona and Lexi play together.

Watching Fox New with Julie and Joe and not being able to stop laughing.

Leaving Iona for the afternoon with Granny and coming back and finding them both still in the water!

Watching the DVD of david’s sky dive and listening to him talk about it.

Walking outside and seeing Jon, Iona, and Judah all in the water…Judah happily floating in the baby ring.

Seeing Iona out with Sophia and their ATV….happy and confident.

Helping my sister put food out at her kid’s birthday party

Staying up late talking with Russell and Leah…later than any of us had stayed up since we can remember. It was like we were in college again.

Eating my mom’s grilled wild alaskan salmon for dinner the first night I arrived.

Being reminded of what good pizza tastes like.

Watching Iona playing the restaurant game with my dad.

Eating a totally over the top rich peanut butter chocolate concoction while out with Chris and Jen

Listening to Chris and Dave reminisce about Summerfest in bygone years…while at summerfest

Eating an everything bagel.

hmmmmm I could go on.

Not so great moments.

The whole nursing in public confrontation….the blog that ensued, and the drama that followed….still bothering me.

The long drives everywhere!!! nothing is ever a simple trip out!

The Iona meltdowns…..due to jet lag, staying up late with cousins, more sugar than she’s ever ingested…

Feeling like even though I was on holiday..I wasn’t really on holiday….as in…..I still had two young children to take care of….even though I had help.

Feeling like a foreigner…and realizing that when I go back home…i’m still an outsider….that panicked feeling of “ahhh where do I belong???” which most of the time I just live with

Anyway..thanks to all my family and friends in the States for what was a really amazing visit. It was the longest stretch of time I’ve spent in the States since leaving in 2001!!! It was worth it!

It’s nearly 7:00 am…and I think i’ve been up for a long time. Well I know I have. I just don’t know exactly when I woke up. There was a real midwestern thunder and lightening storm last night that lit up the sky and woke Iona up. I remember waking up in similar such storms. When I was younger I used to get up and jump into my parents bed. As I got older I used to wake up in a thunderstorm and feel strangely warmed and comforted. Anyway, in a family home, having your daughter snuggle into your bed in the middle of the night is not really an issue. However when you are asleep on a single air mattress on the floor…it’s a little more of an ordeal. She of course had to be right up against me, wrapping her sweaty little arms around me, and of course I was not allowed to move. So I don’t think I ever really got back to sleep. Then of course just as I was dozing off, Judah woke up. I went to get him, and it was then a complicated mess of the three of us trying to fit on one air mattress, me getting annoyed, Iona crying and dramatically wailing that “maybe I will just go sleep with Lexi” (since i’m not wanted here anymore) uuugh. So after several attempts at getting back to sleep…we’re now up. My friend and her two kids who have slept through the night are still sleeping!

I’m with my friend Nicole who I’ve known since I was 16 I think. We are now both married women with two children. Very scary. Neither of us feel grown up enough to have kids. We look around at all the other mothers and we feel like we’re imposters….no way could this be us!! We both have an older daughter and a baby son. Yesterday we packed a picnic and walked down to the local shopping district where there is this really great pedestrianized/park area with one of those flat water fountains where the water shoots up at various times in various ways. Kids are allowed to take their shoes off and run around in it, and there is a DJ on sight that plays music. It’s a lovely way to spend an afternoon. The kids got tan and I got a bit burnt.

We are enjoying loads of nice food. I have discovered these honey roasted sesame sticks from Trader Joes which are just too nice…and for dinner we ordered out from California Pizza Kitchen and had really yummy Mediterranean salad and wraps with fish tacos.

I like how in Milwaukee..when it’s summer..it really really feels like summer. It’s scary how England is starting to feel like some sort of distant blury dream. I know all too well it’s not. I’m actually living in the unrealistic dream at the moment…..

I want to start writing about a subject that I’m sure everyone has a completely individual opinion on. The truth is, I’m still trying to figure out my opinion, and in my mind I have this huge long piece of work written which perfectly articulates all my current thoughts and feelings on the subject, but unfortunately, if I waited for that perfect image to become a reality, I would never write it down. So I’m going to just start rambling a bit I’m afraid…

So how do we do this raising kids thing? Or in other words…how exactly do I get through the day without having a meltdown (me)  at a 3 year old??? Where do I take a stand? Which battles do I fight?

As much as I have really felt comfortable with the attachment parenting model of raising a baby, there are times when I find its expectations  exhausting.

It feels like we are expected to endure nights on end of interrupted sleep, make time during the day to nap with our children, and not really mind about our houses being in a state of chaos. Then on top of feeling tired most of the time we are expected to deal with our children’s behaviour in a gentle peacefull way. It’s the kind of thing can sometimes make sense on paper but in reality…it doesn’t seem to work out. I know that when I have had a night of interrupted sleep, even if the children have been in bed with me, I am exhausted, and I am a shouty cranky mother who is not interested in playing or drawing or reading stories and will flip out over the littlest thing.

I would love to be more gentle, less shouty, more in control of my anger, more reasoned and balanced and wholistic in my parenting…but it’s tough. Some days I am convinced I am on the right path…other days I have this fear that I’m really going to do my kids a disservice…and let them down really.

I suppose this is a bit disjointed. I know that any discpline strategy is only as good as your relationship with your child…and I do believe the best way to forge that relationship starts when they are babies…and being that primary need meeting attachment figure in their lives

So that is why I have done things the way I have. Because I figure I am going to make a lot of mistakes as they grow, and I’m not going to get it right a lot of the time…but..if that relationship is there….and nurtured from the start…that will hopefully see me through the ups and downs of my parenting methods….but in the mean time…..how do we do this thing???

When you read some parenting forums they seem to shun any sort of method of getting your kids to behave as evil, controling, and  manipulative..damaging your children’s sense of worth, self esteem, and personality.

Then there are those who feel that if you do not start implimenting smacking by the age of 18 months that your children will have no sense of self control, will never respect you, and will turn into delinquent terrors.

One thing I know is important whatever you do is consistancy…but it’s hard to be consistant when you’re unsure what you want to be consistant about.

I know one thing that plays into this whole thing is my faith. I do believe it is right to teach our children in the “way they should go”.  I also do not believe that “man is basically good”  I believe that we are all born with the tendancies to behave negatively if not guided or modeled to in another way. this is where I know I probably part ways with my peers in the AP camp, so that leaves me out in limbo a bit, because I am then left with tradtional  ”christian parenting” options which traditionally are highly punative in nature.

I suppose it makes sense if you believe that kids in themselves are perfect beings until society screws them up…then you may be happier to let them find their own way with as little intervention as possible. But if you think they are not born basically good, then you would spend most of your waking moments in a highly intentional state of mind,  directing and teaching them in the right way they should go.

One point of view seems far to lax, the other far too controlling…..depending on which perspective you take.

I want children who are respectful…but also have genuine respect for themselves and others, who are loving, but who do truly love others, and feel loved. I don’t just want kids who know how to behave on the outside, but children who behave well from the inside out..but also have the self control to behave well when called upon. Am I asking too much? Is it impossible?
I want them to have manners, say please and thankyou, greet people, look adults in the eye, etc. I don’t want it to be forced upon them, but i don’t want them to just do it when they feel like it either!

I want the best of both worlds I think.

Children who feel loved, secure, and who know how to behave….not that they always will of course

Tonight I sat on the porch while nursing Judah to sleep. I just stared at the lake and took advantage of the evening’s calm and coolness. I noticed the families of Canadian geese making their way accross the water to our property and I remember the year that my mother and I developed a realtionship with our local geese and followed their journey from their arrival on the lake, mating, having little tiny babies, and then through to the Autumn when they flew away with their full grown familes.

A friend from my teenage years came to visit today with her two kids and both of us remarked how odd it felt to be standing on our property..so many memories. I was always such a day dreamer. I think I must have spun countless daydreams while sitting outside looking at the lake.

I looked down the shoreline to where Iona and Granny were paddling. Its such a strange feeling seeing your little girl taking in the familiar sights of your childhood. I have not quite worked out how i’m feeling about it right now. I’m just still pretty jet lagged and trying to take it all in.

So far I’m loving all the health food, drinking tons of Kombucha. and enjoying the power shower.