Well, we’ve made it to Saturday. I’ve been in touch with several members of the group and everyone’s brain seems to be in a state of learning overload. even those who haven’t even quite begun yet, or have been unable to dip their toes in yet, they have still been thinking about it which is brilliant! Jen Hatmaker included a little “message to leaders” with the teaching DVD’s, and said “It doesn’t matter to me if people are struggling with this or not liking every single thing about it, I’m just excited you’re having the conversation” (the gist of what she said..not exactly) One of them has been sharing in a Facebook group we’re in and I’m going to see if I can copy and paste to here for a guest post! (nice to have a change of voice)
Whenever I’m with people, I find this fasting thing so easy. “How are you finding it?” everyone asks. “Oh not bad really, it’s really kind of fun!!” I say, because in that moment, I’m not feeling it really, because like I said I have NOT been in any way shape or form denying myself food or starving. I’ve not even given up caffeine. However, when I am on my own, oh my goodness, that’s when it gets difficult.
It just so happens this week I’ve been out of the house a lot! I promise it’s total coincidence! Tuesday was my usual date with my friend Beverley. We were at her house this week so the majority of the school day was spent there. Then Wednesday I was out and about doing Doula stuff which is my version of pure fun. Thursday I spent the morning and afternoon with friends, and Friday I spent the morning with two friends who were kind enough to just sit and listen to me ramble about seven, birth hope, doula stuff, and anything else that happened to be rattling around in my mind. I picked up Judah, did the shopping, and came home to a chaotic messy house. I hid behind the computer for a bit (oh media week will be SO HARD) and was just about to start cleaning when another friend came through the front door. Yay! A welcome relief. I did the washing up in front of her (which she’s used to), but then she said “OK, let’s sit down, my feet are killing me”. So then I spent the rest of the afternoon catching up with her.
Jon was out Friday night, so after the kids were down, I just felt tired. Even though I had several things to do, the prospect of another evening without a bit of something foodwise felt tiring, and a little sad. I find myself wanting to go to bed at like 9:00-10:00 (that might actually be a healthy thing to do) however with a night owl husband, this does not work very well.
However that’s all the mechanics of things, which we’re not supposed to be focusing on!! Let me reflect on this last week so far and say that all that time spent with people, has felt so meaningful. Every conversation has been worth it. I feel as though this week has set me free in some areas, and that is exactly what I wanted God to do through it.
I have felt closer to my kids this week, more just…in awe of them, and thankful for them, and more grace for them and these odd tender feelings as opposed to the impatient feelings that usually dominate the more stressful parts of the day. I’ve shouted less in the mornings. I feel like I’ve softened somehow. Sometimes as parents it becomes so much about us and how we’re doing as parents, and less about them as little people and how they are getting on and how they feel. So maybe God’s had some space to give me more of His perspective on my children, and on those around me.
Worship has been a big part of this week. I’ve felt more sensitive to the music when it’s been on. I’ve felt it’s impact in the space I’m in. I have felt God putting songs in my head and so encouraged and empowered by the words.
This was the song I had in my head yesterday: